Think of this some kind of baby bucket list. Must-Do's shall we say!
Written by a baby (aged 10 months) for babies everywhere!
1. Make sure that your nappy explodes at least once....and when I say explode I mean a poopy explosion so big and so gross it has everyone in the room heaving and begging for air!
2. If you would prefer you can attempt number 1 on a quick trip out you know to the park/shops etc this is even funnier because the grown up's don't take a change of clothes and sometimes are dumb enough to say ''oh we won't need a nappy they just got changed and we won't be long''
3. Pee all other your Dad...it's funny! And Mummy thinks so too.
4. Empty every bowl of food you are given all over the floor...those grown ups just love cleaning it up!!! Unless they have given you something ridiculously messy to eat (think spaghetti bolognaise) in this case pour and rub all over your body (or clothes if your grown ups are too stupid to change you out of them!) and remember to pay special attention to your hair.
5. When that bloody camera/phone/iPad comes out remember it's photo time, smile all cute and look your bestest...until they click that little button. That, my friend, is your cue to scarper as fast as you can, leaving a superhero zoom on the photo they just took.
6. Cry for the entire 1 hour journey home to really stress mum/dad out then when you are just about home stop screeching and fall asleep.
7. Cry and scream like your life depends on it because you NEED a cuddle right now and you don't want to be in the pram, under a raincover you WANT to be in the rain!
8. Poop in the bath, preferably one your sharing with a grown up....watch their faces it's hilarious!!
9. Every now and again decide that that routine that you just got into and love, yeah it's not so great any more. You WANT a new routine and you want one NOW!
10. Be all cute at old ladies, Mummy loves talking to strangers that just randomly stop her to talk about you, it's like her best thing ever!!!
11. Attempt to break Mummy or a Daddy's nose either with a real hard toy u can hit them with or with your head, just an ever so gentler harks back of the head butt should do the trick.
12. That Argos catalogue/magazines they just got? They make an awesome sound if you scrunch the pages and if you pull real hard, sometimes the pages come out and you can eat them.
13. When you learn a new trick like erm standing/crawling/ walking/talking mum and dad will mention it to everyone, so when this happens (because you are not a performing monkey right!) refuse to do it, pretend you can't. Make them look like liars!
14. Empty your toy boxes until there isn't 1 toy left in it then decide they are all shit and your just going to cry do not under any circumstances allow Mummy to pick ANY of them up...Daddy likes a mess when he gets home from work!
And now we come to the end of the list and if you don't do any of the above you MUST, MUST, MUST do this at least ooohhh once a week, maybe more, it all depends on how tired the grown ups are!
15. When the grown ups are tired and ''so ready for bedtime'' this is your cue to play a game I like to call Let's Pretend I'm Not Tired! ****Warning**** this kind of backfires as you do then end up a bit too tired and just want to cry a lot! But don't worry, you do know a crying baby cures that headache they say they have right?